Married sexual dating be2 online dating complaints
"As we age, we go through so much, often much more than when we were younger.
By the time you're married 25-35 years, you have very entrenched patterns, plus you may have new problems, such as health issues or drug or alcohol abuse." Though problems involving abuse (physical, verbal, or substance) need to be addressed first, communication issues are generally the most pervasive complaint unhappy couples share, say the experts. Schwarzbaum describes one married couple she counseled recently whose communication problems were impacting their marriage.
Partner B then learns to read this behavior as a cue for sexual activity, which he or she doesn't want, and pulls away.
If they never talk about it, the distance grows because they've never established what acceptable sexual activity is.
Once one or both partners recognize, "Hey, I've been unhappy for a long time and I don't want to be," it's time to commit yourself to changing the dynamic, says Sara Schwarzbaum, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Couples Counseling Associates in Chicago.
"They think they know each other, but they really don't because they've both changed—they're not the same people they were 30 years ago," says Schwarzbaum, who works extensively with couples in their 50s and 60s.
After 30 or 40 years of marriage, you can't blame some couples for settling into not-so-constructive patterns.
You get married young, you share joy, pain, stress, and family, and gradually you might realize you fight often, rarely have sex, and feel far apart even when you're in the same room.
"A lot of couples' problems have been haunting them the duration of their marriage, but they may not have had the time or energy to deal with them," says Rachel Sussman, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert, and founder of Sussman Counseling in New York City.
Recent research published by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology suggests that having sex once a week—but not more often—helps you maintain an intimate connection with your partner and correlates with a happier marriage, regardless of gender, age or length of relationship.
"Many people get in trouble because they're not having sex," says Dr. "They grow further and further apart, but they can't figure out how to get there." She describes the typical scenario as follows: Partner A wants more sex than partner B and tries to initiate sex by touching, kissing, or asking.
Now they want a different kind of partnership." The challenge becomes, how do you listen to your partner's complaints without interruption or getting defensive—even when you disagree?
Communication issues then become interlaced with other issues, which is often what brings long-married couples into counseling.